As we enter another fresh, new year, we feel an overwhelming compulsion to wipe the slate clean. Out with the old & in with the new! This motto leaves no exceptions to our caverns of clothing. However, it’s often difficult choosing exactly which items to ditch from our wardrobes. Never fear! We are here to help you break it down Eminem style, and clean out your closet.
You are SERIOUSLY going to want to ditch these 5 items:
1. Tacky Graphic Tees:
Let us be clear here. Not all graphic t-shirts are horrible, but this doesn’t mean keep all of them just because you don’t know which ones to weed out. Some of the major offenders include: those graphic tees from Hollister you’ve had since you were 16, that shirt your aunt brought back from her vacation to the Grand Canyon, and pretty much anything from Wildwood, NJ or other similar boardwalks. Donate them to the salvation army, make a quilt for that aunt of yours who was so thoughtful, or maybe even use them to clean up the dust they’ve probably gathered in your closet. Whichever way you choose to no longer wear them works just as well.
2. Sketchers Shape-up Sneakers:
Most of us can admit to owning a pair of these at some point in our lives due to the fact that we wanted leaner more toned legs, but let us tell you now (in case you haven’t heard) THESE DON’T WORK. They really don’t do much for our legs except at an extra inch or so of strange, tugboat shaped platform sole, and, let’s be real, tugboat feet are not sexy. You are going to want to donate these immediately to make room for some fresh, new kicks that will help encourage you to get back into the gym. Sorry, Sketchers, but no sneaker alone can deliver amazing legs.
3. Knock-off Handbags:
Not only do these go against everything we stand for in terms of brand exploitation, they just look cheap and tacky. If you want that Louie Vuitton bag so bad, you really need to be saving up for an authentic one. There’s just no comparison between the quality of a knock off and the real thing, but if you can’t afford that $1,000+ bag there are plenty of other beautiful, less expensive handbags out there that will still uphold your fashion status. Do yourself a favor before someone catches you with one of these. BAG IT!
4. Anything with Text Across the Butt:
Plain and simple: there is nothing classy or attractive about having sexual innuendos embroidered across the butt of a pair of track pants. If you still own a pair of these circa 2005 offenders, you need to shut them down just like the juicy, velour store they came from. There’s a reason these are now extremely difficult to find in any clothing store, and it’s not because they are of any value to anyone. Do your butt a favor, and let it speak for itself. If you are really craving a little extra attention in that area, a pair of yoga pants or leggings will work wonders.
5. These Shirts (we really don’t even know what to call them):
We don’t know where these came from, nor do we really want to. They were obviously a mistake. The patchy crease dying process LITERALLY looks as though it were a mistake, and yet people are still wearing them. If you own one of these, it’s time you know that they need to be eliminated. Whether you choose to burn yours, put it in a wood-chipper, feed it to a hungry swarm of moths, we don’t care. As long as they no longer exist, there may still be hope for the slightly clueless female consumer. We all need something to believe in.
Now that you know where to get started, it’s time to begin the cleanse! Getting rid of old nonsense is exciting because it helps make room for new items. Most importantly, don’t forget to treat yourself to something extra special after all that hard work. You deserve it!